Stop Blaming; Empower Your Mind

It is quite easy to the blames on others. Take a resolution today that you don’t blame others.

Blaming others as a way to escape from one’s own responsibility is common practice today. Perpetual blamers always have an option to put the responsibility of some bad happening squarely on others.

In most cases, with a little probing, they will find the blaming boomerang on them.

I have read in my childhood a story of a flour seller and a baker. The baker began to doubt that the merchant is cheating him on with quantity. Surely enough he weighed the flour he get. He found he gets only 900 grams of flour when he pays for a KG of flour.

He took the issue to court. The flour seller was called before the village headman. He was caught guilty of cheating with measurement.

He explains: “I use the bread I buy from this baker to weigh flour. I buy two breads of 500 g from him on a daily basis. I use the breads to weigh flour, believing it is the real measurement”.

Who is to be fined here? Tell me, who is to be fined here? The flour seller or the baker!

It is quite easy to find faults with others. Such people also come off as too timid to face any challenges that come their way.

The point here is to take a look at any given situation in an objective manner. Look at all the aspects involved. If you take a moment to think in different perspectives, you will be able to quickly identify what has actually happened.

Body Language Stuff for Men

Hey guys,

Don’t you have heard about body language before, right? OK, I am not going to talk endlessly about healthy body language; instead I will scribble some of my observations with body language.

Hands and arms

My arm movement has been my biggest liability all the years, but identified it only very recently. The problem – I used to move the arms too much, most times before my body.

Some of my friends identified this as a problem and pointed to me this. Thus I made a conscious effort to control arm and hand movement. When walking I now move my hands only three-five inches forward and two inches back. No I didn’t measure the distance with a tape. I just controlled the movement so much.

Later I identified this simple step gave me more control over my body. It actually gave me more control in my interactions with my friends.

The teacher inside me shows up. Controlling the movement of your arms gives you more control in your interactions with your friends, relatives, colleagues and your boss.

Head

Always hold the head high. Keeping head in that position indeed is energizing and represents honesty and integrity.

Back

Let the backbone and head together form a straight line vertically up to the sky. This is ideal posture according to yoga. According to them, this posture opens up free passage for Kundalini energy move up the energy chakras.

Chin

Keep chin up. Not up to sky. Keep it parallel to ground. This way you automatically hold your head high.

Eyes

Eyes exchange thousand stories without telling a word. Eyes can play some very important roles in non-verbal communication. If you lax here, it can break you.

Look straight forward at your eye level. Never look down, especially when talking to someone. Don’t stare at the other person. It can be perceived as overly aggressive. When talking to a person, never look above his or her eye level. It will appear threatening. Look somewhere below the nose and above the chin of the other person. If it is your GF, you can go a bit down. Plz don’t make it overly expressive.

A single point action plan to completely forget about body language

I agree remembering that much is very hard. I will give a single point action plan to forget all of the above.

Bring to your mind an extra supply of pure energy. Wonder how to do it? It is quite easy. Assume that you thoroughly enjoy what you do. Whatever you do, think of it as the most enjoyable thing you can do at the moment. Keep the same attitude even while describing your mistakes to your boss. Do it in an energetic manner. You will be covering several of your weaknesses and scoring high points with your boss and friends.

Make it a habit to bring in that extra mental energy to all your thoughts, actions and conversation with whatever people you come across. You will have to worry little about controlling your arms, putting your chin parallel to ground or keeping your eyes level.

Energetic Communication

This post is about a skill I want to develop myself. I am very poor when it comes to friends department, only a few of them. All of them have been my friends for quite a long time. I really feel down when it comes to the fact that I have very little friends. On the other hand I have little time to maintain the relationships too.

Sometimes, usually in Sunday afternoons, I log in to yahoo messenger to chat to total strangers. Though not very good at it, I occasionally have great conversations (mostly with girls). Most times it ends as a bubble burst.

Back to the title and intended post – energetic communication or energy filled interaction is what makes people refreshed and keeps them stay with you. I have seen the quality of high energy conversation and interaction in some persons. Needless to say, they always are busy entertaining their friends.

The friends as it is called in most cases will be the people they have just met. When you look at their convo, you think they have been friends for years. These high energy people are reservoirs of energy that they pass on to the people around them. I always like to be in the company of such people. Will I be able to behave in similar manner? Sometimes I think so, but in most cases negative thoughts cross me.

Even then I have some words of solace that I say to myself – if you are an introvert and shy person you too can try that.

Everyone is unique. My method of conversation is quiet and fulfilling. I talk slow, but talk only meaningful things. The long-term friendships I maintain prove that I am good friend of friends.

Though I can say these words to myself, I sometimes (or mostly) feel jealous to them who always surround themselves with an army of friends.

Karma, Not Janma Decides Destiny

While listening to Christmas Eve message at our church, I got the story of birth of Jesus in a totally different manner. The lowly birth of Jesus is something to watch for. Since getting no space inside a decent inn or house, Joseph had to find a little space in a cowshed, where born Jesus.

Perhaps this is the lowliest birth anyone can get. Irrespective of his lowly birth he went on to transform the whole world and giving a message of hope to everyone.

Notwithstanding his lowly birth he is worshipped all around the world today.

It is not anyone’s Janma (means) birth that determines his destiny. It is his Karma (roughly translated to actions) that determines his or her destiny.

You may be experiencing lack of success in your life. But there is no point in blaming your birth, family, society or conditions.

Most of us had a royal treatment as children. We were born in the most hygienic conditions of a hospital. We were wrapped in sterile white clothes. Our parents held us on a high spirit and we never thought about any difficulties for quite a long time.

When that support is removed, we felt it unfair. Understand it is not. We are all capable of making our own lives and reaching whatever destiny we choose in life. No not everyone can be the richest man on earth. Not everyone can become the president of America.

Everyone can, however design his destiny. To lead a successful life is not a life of conformity. You really don’t have to conform to any norms or restrictions. You really have the potential to break the cocoons of restrictions and go for your full potential.

There are many cocoons that prevent us from exploring the wonders of the world. The main among them are our own attitudes. Whenever we think we are incapable of doing something, we are pulling ourselves into a cocoon. Whenever we feel we don’t deserve something, we are pulling ourselves into a cocoon. Whenever we say to ourselves we shall not do this or that, we are pulling ourselves into a cocoon.

Correctly understand the facts. There is nothing on this earth that prevents you from attaining true glory of life. Make the determination what you can and should do. Make the picture of your destiny clearer and clearer in your mind. Then you will be able to describe that picture in words. Till you can describe your dreams in words, you don’t have a clear idea about where to reach in life.

Once you have a clear idea of where to reach in life, the path to that point will be clearly visible before you. All you will have to do then is to take the opportunities that come your way.

Now you know it is not Janma, but Karma that determines your destiny. Before attempting the Karma, you need to identify the destination. You can design your karma accordingly.

The single point here is, do you have a clear picture about your destiny? Try if you can clearly depict that picture in words.

I will also be writing about the moral and practicability of goal setting in the coming days. Till then, take your time to clarify your destiny. Best wishes to you with your life.

Daily Positive Thoughts and Feeds

You really know the importance of feeding your mind with positive thoughts. How often do you do it? Is it once in a week, a month or a year?

Just like our body demands daily dose of nutrients, water and air, our mind also needs food. Your mind will take its food even if you don’t feed it.

What kinds of food your mind enjoys depends partly on the surroundings you are in and mostly on your general attitude towards life.

If you are a perpetual complainer, there are good chances that you will go back to your nature of complaining. Once you take the decision to feed your mind with positive thoughts, make it a habit to daily read at least some positive thought inducing books.

If you give bad food to mind, it quickly becomes diseased. You easily forget about your achievements, powers, and resources.

When you feed your mind with positive thoughts, it will remind you of your capabilities and powers within you.

You know you special and important. You remember the fact that you are special, important and capable, when your mind is filled with positive thoughts. If you don’t have your mind filled with positive thoughts, it is possible that you easily fall into the trap of negative thoughts that will drain your mental energy every day.

What are the sources of daily positive thoughts? Reading a few stanzas from Bible is my daily source of positive energy. As long as you are not an atheist, you can derive good energy from God.

The biographies of personalities like Wilma Rudolph, Booker T Washington, Mahatma Gandhi, Lance Armstrong, etc are always good source of good mental food. These are people who have succeeded in their preferred field irrespective of difficulties. Note the term ‘irrespective’. They strived irrespective of difficulties. These are people who are not willing to succumb to any pressure.

The story of a person winning gold medal in Olympics games is almost no news. Winning three gold medals is some news. What if a person who has suffered from polio in her childhood wins three gold medals in Olympics? That is the story of Wilma Rudolph.

Feed your mind with stories of some outstanding achievements of people daily. These people remained ordinary or less than ordinary till one day the story of their sheer determination becomes known to the whole world with some outstanding achievements.

Positive Expectations create Positive People

This post is about the importance of positive expectations from children by parents, teachers and elders. When others expect positive qualities from a child, it is almost sure the child will produce expected results.

Children are easily labeled as brilliant, smart, naughty and with hundred other labels. Children get this labels primarily from their parents and other senior members of family, then from teachers and finally from peers.

What does this do to the child? Think about it. There is subconscious psychology at play. When a child is expected to behave in a certain manner, he or she is automatically programmed to respond in that certain way.

He or she thinks is the normal way for him to respond.

The best thing parents, elder members and teachers do to their children is therefore put positive expectations from your children. No put downs.

I have heard many teachers saying to children "You are always like that" whenever they find any fault.

The better way would be "I believe you are well behaved children knowledgeable about right and wrong. What happened in this specific incident?". This put children to think what has happened that lead to a wrong action by them.

'You're always like that' is the subconscious license for the children to continue what they do.

You are brilliant at Math, you learn language quickly etc are positive vibes teachers and parents should always feed the children.

Heard the story of Thomas Alwa Edison going to school? Edison, the great inventor of all times had little formal education.

One day little Tom returned from school with a note from his teacher, which stated that Tom was an idiot.

To which his mother replied. He is no idiot. He is brilliant. I will teach him. I don't know the name of the teacher, but that little Tom has given many gifts to almost all of mankind.

Putting positive expectations on children by parents has strong positive influence on your children. Same is true for negative expectation, but understand whenever you say negative things about your child it has destructive force on him/her.

You are Special and Important

Read the headline once again, I really mean you are special and important. No one in this world is created insignificant. There are times when you are put down by others. But you must understand that you are special and important.

You will not get the special and important treatment from all the walks of your life. This doesn't tell you are lesser important person, or you are less special.

You should not imagine that you are special and important. You should not think you are special and important. Instead you must understand you are special and important. You must know you are special and important.

There is a sea of difference between imagining or thinking and really knowing.

With imagination, you think it is only imagination. With thinking you think it is only your thoughts. But the correct knowledge that you are important will prepare to see the life in a whole new light.

To whom are you important to. Atheists excuse me. You are an important creation of GOD. You are special to the almighty.

The second person whom you are important to. That person is yourself. If you don't feel important and special to yourself, there is no point in thinking that other people will think so. Treat yourself as if a VIP, a special guest to the world for a very short period of enjoying this world. Give yourself all the special treatment you can.

What are the specialties you have? You are able to read this article, you are intelligent enough to understand and take action on what I say.

You have special hidden talents that may be in sleeping stage now. Brush it up now and you will identify how special you are.

Give your body the best food. I mean your body, not your taste buds. Give your body the nutritious food it deserves to stay healthy for the years to come.

Give your mind the best food. Just like your body needs food, your mind also needs food. Here you can take food from a platter to feed your mind.

What you are doing is continuously feeding your mind with strong positive beliefs. Read the success stories of people who have scaled the peaks of success with sheer determination. Also read the story of people who enjoy their life 'irrespective' of backlashes and hardships.

Give yourself a gift today. UNDERSTAND today that you are a special person. You are an important person.

Team Work and Lonely Tuskers

I have been reading about the employability status of Kerala youth. The second criticism about guys and gals of Kerala is that they are poor team players. The first one being lack of (proper) communication skills. Are we poor team players and better lonely tuskers?

I have a made a soul searching exercise – am I really a team player? I am quite confused if I can be a team player. My work - copy writing and content writing - is always a lonely task. I don’t have the chance to ask for help from someone else whenever I get a writers bloc. I am happy to tread a lone path.

Does it mean I am a poor team player? I really don’t have an idea, I have never been in a team except when I used to play cricket, making a village path pitch and two rubber estates on either sides field. Yeah, I played as a team member. Yeah, there was not a captain in most of the occasions. Make decisions as the game go on. At times we win and at times we lose. Sometimes we get big victories against stronger teams. I remember personal accomplishments like five wickets in three overs more clearly than any team accomplishments. I also remember quick outbursts by different players at different times to drastically alter the progress of games.

Does it again mean I am more a chess player than a soccer player? I don’t care whatever you think.

Male Female Platonic Relationships

Some say it’s just not possible, some (mostly women) say it is possible. What is the truth about male-female platonic relationship? Has anyone had real platonic relationship with a member of opposite sex, and the relationship is strictly platonic? It will be a difficult thing to answer. There is only a blurred line between sexual attraction and platonic relationship.

I have a few questions for you reader, have you had a strictly platonic relationship with a member of opposite sex? That is if you are a woman, have you ever had a real-heartfelt friendship with a man?

I know, I know it is a very difficult question to answer. Even in declared friendships, there are instances where one of the parties feels some sort of attraction towards the other, which in most cases is not reciprocated.

Bring back Niram, the campus film by Kamal, in which most of the story evolves round the platonic relationship between the leading characters. One of them feels a void when there happened to be a separation between them – he feels desperately bad for allowing such feelings to come into his mind. The biggest joke is that it is only the female lead character that doesn’t recognize the other’s feelings towards her.

This is a common trend, and rarely is the situation reversed – have any objection?

Hey, why are you asking me if it is my experience too? Hey, who said, I have gone through such experience…

Team Work and Lonely Tuskers

I have been reading about the employability status of Kerala youth. The second criticism about guys and gals of Kerala is that they are poor team players. The first one being lack of (proper) communication skills. Are we poor team players and better lonely tuskers?

I have a made a soul searching exercise – am I really a team player? I am quite confused if I can be a team player. My work - copy writing and content writing - is always a lonely task. I don’t have the chance to ask for help from someone else whenever I get a writers bloc. I am happy to tread a lone path.

Does it mean I am a poor team player? I really don’t have an idea, I have never been in a team except when I used to play cricket, making a village path pitch and two rubber estates on either sides field. Yeah, I played as a team member. Yeah, there was not a captain in most of the occasions. Make decisions as the game go on. At times we win and at times we lose. Sometimes we get big victories against stronger teams. I remember personal accomplishments like five wickets in three overs more clearly than any team accomplishments. I also remember quick outbursts by different players at different times to drastically alter the progress of games.

Does it again mean I am more a chess player than a soccer player? I don’t care whatever you think.

Stand Up for Yourself

The headline may seem a bit trivial psychological advice; the fact is that many of us forget to stand up for ourselves. If you don’t stand up for yourself, there will not be anyone else to stand up for you. It is like ‘if you don’t love yourself first, no one else cares to’.

When to stand up for yourself?
Stand up for yourself whenever you feel the need to. Are your friends bullying you so much? It is time to put your foot down. Are you not getting what you have paid for? It is time to stand up for yourself.

Our family had a tough time dealing with some neighborhood issues. A few of our neighbors want a broad path to their homes, at our cost. Or in other words through our property, after removing three jack fruit trees, three cashew nut trees, two mango trees and several other small trees. Everyone knew it is complete injustice against us – they just know it.

And the day came when they have reached to broaden the three feet path to a seven or eight feet path, taking up extra land from our property. They were about fifty of them, mostly hired workers under the leadership of our neighbor. My younger brother put a bold foot and challenged the action of them. Ours is a civil society and not any 16th century society where muscle power ruled over everything. The next scene was police station, from where a constable came and asked them to stop working. Sure, we get the support of others and mainly from the police. Their project was lost. Though paths and walkways are necessary, I or my family didn’t feel the requirement of unjustifiable sufferings.

Others could help us, only because my brother was able to make a bold statement and stood for us.

Thus standing up for yourself involves keeping your prestige and self-respect intact without ever allowing others to take it away from you.

Many times in the past I felt it is OK to take myself not so seriously. No. That type of thought is not with me any more. If you don’t take yourself seriously, others too will not. If you make sure you have self respect and prestige, others too will agree with it.
Stand up for yourself, make voice for yourself. The first thing is to understand you have self-respect. It is not assuming or believing, but understand and know that you deserve to be treated with respect.